Qualities I Look For In A Partner

Healthy RelationshipI recently started thinking about the prospect of getting into a relationship, and started thinking about the kind of person I would like to get into a relationship with and also what can I give to a relationship.

I thought it would be interesting to share my thoughts, not as a means of advertising, but rather as a genuine way to share my ideas about what I think are important qualities to have or look for in a partner. I have also given reasons for each quality I have stated, for your critique:

  • Softly spoken – I like listening to people who talk sweetly, its nice to listen to and makes me want to love them more!
  • Loving, caring, touchy feely – I’m very kinaesthetic, so another touchy-feely person would not get annoyed of me
  • Family orientated – A person who looks after their family and puts family first is usually very caring and has a better understanding of how to look after the needs of the whole (being interdependent rather then being overly independent)
  • Spiritually inclined – Since spirituality is the heart of my life, so a spiritual inclination would help create some common ground
  • Can hold a deep conversation – I love to share and I love to talk sometimes about very deep experiences and topics and so my partner would need to be able to converse with me on those topics – otherwise it could feel like pouring my heart onto a brick wall!
  • Attractive in a simple way – Attraction helps, but I’m not so shallow nor looking for a model. I like simplicity (and long hair!)
  • Has a work-life balance (not all work work work!) – I see this one all the time. People working too much, not living enough. I’m all about living life, so would be nice to share as much of my life as possible with my partner, rather than my partner spending all their life at work
  • Willingness to attend similar events (e.g. spiritual retreats/camps) – I spend a lot of time at retreats, camps and conferences all around the world about creating change within ourselves and within the world – so my partner should be open to going to them with me
  • Loves and accepts me for who I am and who I’m not – This is perhaps one of the most important of them all. I have lots of good and bad qualities, and all of these should be accepted by my partner – I should not have to change who I am at my core. This doesn’t mean I’m not willing to learn or adapt to a new situation, it means I’m not willing to compromise my core essence for somebody – my core being love, joy, openness and expression. Change and learning within a relationship occurs naturally when there is acceptance of the other, mutual respect and understanding.
  • A good cook – Unfortunately I like to eat…A LOT! So ideally a good cook would be grand! Food is also a BIG part of Indian culture and my family culture
  • Optional/Negotiable – 1. Sikh, 2. of Indian-origin and 3. Punjabi speaking – For me a Sikh is a person who is willing to grow and learn in each moment – it is not limited by religion. I would prefer somebody of Indian culture or at least who has a very good understanding of Indian culture so they can fit in more easily into my family’s culture and way of doing things, and Punjabi speaking because it is the language of the Sikh Scriptures and I would prefer it to be my secondary language within my house to pass onto my children

Right, this is what I’m looking for, now it’s time to consider what I can give to a relationship (which, for the record, was a much harder exercise than deciding what I want):

  • Friendship & Trust – To my partner I would want to offer friendship first, built on honesty and trust, on top of which a solid relationship can develop
  • Love & Giving – I like to spend a lot of time developing relationships, and I’m naturally very caring and extremely giving in all ways – so my partner can except to receive a LOT
  • Life & Laughter – Mostly I’m energetic, positive and like to crack jokes all the time. Humour plays a HUGE part in my life because its a huge part of my personality – so my partner can except to be amused and annoyed at my constant joking around
  • Strength & Healing – I have a high threshold of stress and being able to handle multiple things, which is why I’m in the coaching field. But to my partner I can also be their strength, support and healing in times of need.
  • Sharing – I have many facets to me, which as you get to know me better, will begin to emerge slowly one by one. And I would like to share them all with my partner over time
  • Space – In those times when my partner needs space to think and reflect, I can give them the space to get clear
  • Lots of Variety – I do a lot of things: writing, travelling, cycling, cooking, swimming, badminton, teaching, music, networking, meditating, organising, creating – so naturally my life includes a variety of activities which I can share with my partner. There is no place for boredom in my life!

Feel free to leave some comments and add to these lists (hopefully not making them impossibly long!)

Posted by on June 17th, 2012 | Leave a Comment